Estate planning can get complicated, especially when two adult children both want control over one parent’s estate. This situation is more common than you might think, and it can lead to family tension, legal battles, and financial headaches. When siblings disagree over who should manage their parents’ assets, emotions often run high. The stakes are not just about money—they’re also about trust, family history, and sometimes old rivalries. Understanding what happens when adult children compete for control can help you avoid costly mistakes and protect your parents’ wishes.
1. Legal Authority: Who Has the Right?
The first thing to understand about control over a parent’s estate is who actually has the legal right. Usually, this is determined by whether the parent has a valid will or estate plan. If the parent appointed one child as executor or power of attorney, that person gets the legal authority to make decisions. If there’s no will, state laws—called intestacy laws—decide who’s in charge. This can put siblings on equal footing or favor the eldest child, depending on local rules. In some cases, both children might be named co-executors, which can lead to conflict if they don’t agree on key decisions. The primary keyword here is control over a parent’s estate, and knowing the legal basics is the first step.
2. Family Disputes and Communication Breakdowns
When two adult children both want control, communication can break down quickly. Old sibling rivalries can resurface, and every decision may turn into an argument. Even routine tasks like paying bills or selling property can become battlegrounds. Some families try to resolve these issues through conversation or mediation, but others end up in court. The emotional toll can be huge, and it often spills over into other family relationships. If you’re in this situation, it’s important to keep communication channels open and document every decision to avoid misunderstandings.
3. The Role of Mediation and Legal Intervention
If adult children can’t agree on who should manage the estate, mediation is often the next step. A neutral third party can help siblings talk through their differences and find a compromise. Mediation is usually faster and less expensive than going to court, and it can preserve family relationships. But if mediation fails, the dispute may end up before a judge. Courts can appoint a neutral third party (like a public administrator) to take over, especially if there’s evidence of mismanagement or conflict of interest. This removes control from both children, which is rarely what anyone wants.
4. Financial Impact and Delays
Fighting for control over a parent’s estate can drain resources quickly. Legal fees, court costs, and lost time add up. The estate itself can shrink as a result, leaving less for everyone. In some cases, assets are frozen until the dispute is resolved, which means bills go unpaid and property loses value. Heirs may have to wait months or even years to receive their inheritance. This is one reason why it’s so important to address control issues early, ideally while the parent is still able to make their wishes clear.
5. Protecting the Parent’s Wishes
At the heart of every estate dispute is the question of what the parent really wanted. Did they intend for one child to have more control, or did they hope their children would work together? If the parent is still alive but incapacitated, it’s essential to look at documents like powers of attorney, living wills, and trusts. If the parent has passed, the will or trust should guide decisions. Sometimes, families need to bring in an elder law attorney to interpret documents and ensure the parent’s wishes are honored. This step can help prevent further conflict and protect everyone’s interests.
6. Steps to Prevent Conflict Over a Parent’s Estate
Families can take steps to prevent disputes long before they start. Open conversations about estate plans, clear documentation, and choosing a neutral or professional executor can all help. Some parents name a trusted advisor or attorney as executor to avoid favoritism. Others involve all children in the planning process, so everyone knows what to expect. The key is to address potential issues openly and early. This can be tough, but it’s far easier than dealing with a court battle later on.
Moving Forward When Siblings Disagree
When two adult children want control over a parent’s estate, the process can be stressful and emotionally charged. But with careful planning and open communication, it’s possible to protect your parents’ wishes and avoid lasting damage to family relationships. If you’re facing this situation, don’t hesitate to seek professional advice from an estate planning attorney or mediator. Taking action early can save time, money, and heartache down the road.
Have you or someone you know dealt with siblings fighting over a parent’s estate? Share your experience or advice in the comments below.
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Travis Campbell is a digital marketer and code developer with over 10 years of experience and a writer for over 6 years. He holds a BA degree in E-commerce and likes to share life advice he’s learned over the years. Travis loves spending time on the golf course or at the gym when he’s not working.
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